An interesting dynamic has been happening in my house. My 5-year-old son is having a difficult time. Children with my son’s type of special needs have ebbs and flows in their development. When he was younger we dealt with his separation anxiety and thought it was over. Well, we are going through another round of that process, and it is hard to deal with to say the least.

Every time I walk away for a brief moment he looses it. In his mind I have abandoned him. I found myself reassuring him. “Daddy is here, I am not going anywhere. If I go away for a moment I will always come back if I can.” I hope to get through to him that daddy is dependable and that I am always here for him. Even though I have not done anything to undermine his trust in my stability and love for him, all I can do is continually remind him that daddy is here.

I have written several times of my struggle with abandonment from my father, so it’s interesting that I have to continually address the issue with my son. I have the awesome responsibility to represent a relationship with God as our heavenly father, with my son. It’s my goal that he will approach God based on how well I interact with him. Jesus taught us that God is a father. "This, then, is how you should pray: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name…” Whatever type of father we have is automatically attributed to God.

In a conversation with my pastor on the subject, I told him that I have to stop on occasion and remind myself that God is watching me. I know as a communicator of the Gospel that doesn’t sound good, but that is the reality. I am not used to thinking about the ramifications of disappointing a father. I have no concept of a father’s wrath, punishment, disappointment, joy, love, or pleasure as a son. That is why I need to “check in with the Father” and I am not ashamed to admit that.

While encouraging my son recently I believe I heard God speaking to me. While telling Him that I was still there, God was saying the same thing to me. He was there, because He loved me and didn’t want me to be alone. He like me was as close as a call or prayer away. It was hard to hear, but powerful at the same time. The Bible says, “So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, Abba, Father.” The same way I am reassuring my son that Daddy loves him and is here for Him, God is letting His son (me) know the same thing. It’s really impacting my life and I hope I am showing my son a better way.